In two short weeks, I will be heading to the mountains for my 3rd Mindful Mama Sangha retreat. I am thrilled and grateful that 11 amazing women are once again trusting me to plan and lead this weekend of community, practice, rest, and fun.  We moms often forget to add ourselves to the priority list, caring for everyone in the family and workplace first. Our physical, mental, and emotional health can take a backseat to the needs of others. And despite being a teacher of self-care and self-awareness, I am not immune to this tendency. 

But self-care is actually a requirement for effective living...a "mandate" if you will. None of us, really, can be our best selves for anyone if we are not adequately caring for ourselves. We have no questions or doubt when the airlines tell us to put our own oxygen masks on first before trying to help others in the event of a loss in cabin pressure.  An unconscious passenger is of no use to anyone in an emergency!  So it is for all of us in life. 

I teach a leadership program in which we demonstrate that the bottom line is directly tied to the effectiveness of the leader, which is also directly tied to the leader's health and wellbeing. So in a work-place setting, the business case can easily be made for the necessity of the leader prioritizing herself.  Why is is so different in our home-place settings? 

Perhaps an interesting study could be conducted to identify the ROI of mom's self-care. What if we could put a dollar value on the effects of a mother who runs herself into the ground versus one who prioritizes self-care? What would improve? I can identify a few options that are ripe for evaluation. 1. Clearly the healthcare costs for the entire family could be measured. 2. Budgeting could also be an interesting point of measurement- meals (takeout vs. home cooked), retail therapy (as self-soothing technique), cost-consciousness (having the patience and space to be thoughtful about purchases). 3. And lost work days for those who work outside the home too.

But even without a scientifically-validated study, we moms can tell when we've been burning the candle at both ends.. and even in the middle. We stress out more easily. We snap more quickly. And then we can totally burn out.  

Here are a few symptoms of chronic stress to keep an eye out for, signals that your body is sending you, urgent messages, warning lights. They usually mean breakdown is on the horizon, because we are not built for the long-term marathons of stress we are oh so often running in. 

• Chronic pain (My back hurts. My head hurts. My stomach hurts. My everything hurts.)
• Heart issues (I’m having a heart attack!)
• GI issues (Can you say ulcers? Or constant nausea? Or elimination issues we won’t detail here?)
• Low sex drive (Not tonight dear- or maybe not ever)
• Sleep disorders (I can’t fall asleep, can’t stay asleep, can’t stop sleeping.)
• Depression (It’s all too much. I just can’t. I give up. What’s the point?)
• Anxiety (Everything is going to go wrong. We’re all doomed.)
• Compulsive consumption (Must buy ALL the shoes. Must eat all the ice cream. And the chocolate.)

Three days isn't really enough to counter a lifetime of self-neglect. But it's a positive start, a first baby-step. And hopefully it will provide the space to learn the whys and the hows of re-connecting with what's important. 

So... Really this weekend is a personal endeavor for me as well. It's been too long since I've taken this kind of time for myself.  I need this as much as do the beautiful friends who are joining me.  

Tomorrow is mother's day. As a mom, I love the concept- a day to be appreciated and pampered, allowed to sleep in and not have to cook or clean. A designated day, to remind all who benefit from a mom's efforts to stop and say thank you.

But it's not enough. A day is not enough for any of us- Mother's day, Father's day, Grandparent's day, Administrative Assistant's day, Boss's day, Teacher appreciation day (or week).  Why do we need a designated day for appreciation when all of us work hard every single day to do what we do, to fulfill the roles we assume? 

What would the world be like if we took the 2 seconds to sincerely thank each person who did things for us as we moved through our days?  What if everyone received the appreciation they deserved every day, if we each took the time to see each other as human beings, recognizing that all of us are doing the best we can in this world with what life has handed us?  Would we all feel more appreciated?  More recognized and valued by those we touch? More seen?
If we each expressed gratitude to others 10% more each day, what would that do for us as a society? 

The amazing news is that when we express gratitude for and to others, WE feel happier. WE feel more optimistic about our lives. And of course, we build better relationships with those to whom we express that gratitude.  It just takes a bit of awareness, noticing those who do the things for us we often take for granted. And maybe a little more energy. But what we get in return far outweighs the expenditure.

You can only control your own actions, but your actions can make a difference.

Life is a series of moments, and we travel our lives through these moments, whether we are aware of them or not.  
And then they are gone.
Blink.
There goes another one.
Did you miss it?

• The pure joy on your daughter's face as she sprints off to hunt eggs.
• The first sip of delightfully warm coffee in the morning.
• The sweet fragrance of spring's first blossoms.
• The silly bounciness of a new puppy. 
• A thoughtful gesture made by your spouse.
• The tight squeeze of a child's warm embrace.
• The special effort to spell your name correctly made by the barista.
• A compliment given to you by your colleague after completion of a big project.
• The tiny detail that would have clinched the deal.

How many of life's individual moments are missed when our minds are elsewhere? And if we were to add up those missed moments, how much of the richness of our experience would be lacking?  How much more full and satisfying would life be if we could appreciate the individual moments as they are happening? 

When we need to pay attention, mindfulness helps us be attentive.
When we want to notice the beautiful moments of life, mindfulness helps us really see them.
When we promise to be present for the details of our day, mindfulness helps us keep that commitment. 

Let's see how many more moments you can spot.
Blink.
There goes another one.
Did you see it?

Over the years, I wrote occasional blog posts about my personal journey and my ongoing path towards becoming a mindfulness teacher.  I housed those on my personal blog, Mindful Clarity.   From here on, posts will be housed here, on the Institute for Mindful Works blog. My intention is to invite all of our teachers and partners to write, providing a variety of viewpoints and topics.
Here also we'll post links to articles written by us elsewhere on the web. 
We hope you enjoy, learn and connect. 
Christy